Building Your Ego on a Solid Foundation [activity]
Upon what is your ego based?
If the prospect of disapproval, shaming and ridicule gives you anxiety this is because your ego is not constructed in a way so as to be immune to external, malevolent influences. This post will introduce you to the concept of mindfully building your ego on a solid foundation.
“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” - Matthew 7:24-27 English Standard Version (ESV)
Weathering the storm
Over the last few weeks I have faced hundreds of thousands of negative comments on social media, vile threats, attempts to shame me, to punish me for “wrong think” and other assorted attacks. Good friends have expressed concern about how it will affect me. Worry not, my ego is built on an unshakable foundation. I am immune to their childish tantrums. Below I will explain how you too can gain this power.
What is ego?
Your ego is your self perception. It's how you see yourself in the world.
A healthy, solid, well constructed ego is essential to developing Agency while also making you resistant to manipulation, depression, nihilism and the gamma loop of despair.
The entire concept of mindfully constructing our ego sounds very strange to most people. You have probably been lead to believe that your ego is something to be suppressed, or even destroyed. People with healthy egos are often told that their ego is “too big”. Such a belief is harmful to us.
How they control us
We live in a world that seeks to erode our Agency. It does so in part by manipulating our egos. Praising us for compliant behaviour and undermining us whenever we do something forbidden by those seeking control.
The parasites, the manipulators and the power hungry understand that if you can control someone's ego, someone's self perception, then you control them. Most people will do whatever it is that makes their ego feel good, no matter the cost.
Go back to the garden of eden and you may recall that the serpent told Eve “if you eat this fruit you will become like god.” He flattered her ego and gained complete control over her.
Con artists understand how cycles of tearing down and then building up someone's ego is a powerful tool to gaining complete control over their victim. On a larger scale societal con artists are engineering entire groups of people to have egos that suit their nefarious purposes.
For example; women are told that their value lies solely in their sexuality, or their “independence”, or their vote, or their purchasing preferences and so they build their ego around these things. They are told this is what defines them and undermined with (GSRRM) shaming, moralizing, psychologizing, ridiculing, rallying, gossiping, propagandizing and reputation destruction if they even hint at wanting to choose another path.
In the absence of a mindfully constructed ego, their self perception becomes completely based around pleasing the often abstract influencers in their lives. This keeps them compliant, voluntary slaves to a system that's just using them for profit, pleasure and power. This is why modern women often have excessive self confidence, a massively inflated sense of their own worth and paradoxically crippling anxiety and low self esteem.
Men face a different set of insidious manipulations on their ego. Many men are manipulated through their women who have learned how to undermine men using the same GSRRM techniques that keep women in check. In this way men are kept emotionally neutered, unwilling to speak the truth in case their woman hears and decides to make them feel bad for having opinions that are unpopular in her peer group.
Some men, and we use that term loosely, even join in on the process of manipulating other men. They hypocritically use the same GSRRM methods that they despise when used against them by women.
Occasionally a gamma male, envying the status of the alphas will see himself as a secret king, a lord, a chief or a godfather. He will then seek out other broken men and form a cult of personality around himself. Like all cults he will undermine his followers Agency, working to convince them they have no responsibility, cultivating a nihilistic mindset milking it for power and profit which is used to attract more broken men. This is the gamma loop of despair.
Virtue: The only solid foundation for your ego
Building your ego on things or ideas that are subjective opens you up for manipulation.
Building your ego on the approval of strangers, influencers, heroes and people in power is extremely dangerous and unstable. You will be manipulated against your interests.
Building your ego on the approval of your ingroup, your spouse, family, friends, etc. is an improvement however it still leaves us open to having your ingroup infiltrated by bad actors. Additionally, it prevents us from fully developing our Agency. We always remain bound to the temperamental will of the group.
Building your ego on your career, your hobbies, your past accomplishments, etc. is not enough. You can lose these things and as time progresses your memory of your accomplishments will fade.
There is only one thing upon which we can build a solid ego which is impervious to external attack and capable of resisting all attempts to manipulate us. Build your ego upon demonstrated virtue.
An ego based on demonstrated virtue can not be taken from you. It can not be held hostage. It can not be manipulated or turned against you. It is on going and renewed each day. It evolves with you and your circumstances.
How to mindfully construct your ego
Read about virtues. This will help you to discover yours.
Build Your House on the Rock
Go somewhere calm. Relax. Bring a pen and a notebook. Write down the answers to the following questions:
Step 1: Examine your heart to see your current self perception.
How do you view yourself?
How do you feel about yourself?
What descriptive words come to mind when you think about yourself?
Why do you feel that way? (The deeper you look the better.)
Is your understanding of yourself based on objective facts or have you been convinced to believe something that you can't prove?
Step 2: Be the man they cant shame.
A man with nothing to be ashamed of can not be manipulated by shame. Become that person.
What are you doing that you are ashamed of? Stop doing it. Make specific plans to stop and start implementing them RIGHT NOW. Be radically intolerant with yourself in this area.
If you are ashamed of the past, correct your mistakes. Make yourself right with the world.
Who shames you and why? If they are doing so to manipulate you put a stop to that.
Step 3: What are your virtues?
Think about your virtues. Everyone has some virtues, what are yours?
How do you know that you possess those virtues?
Give some examples.
Step 4: Reprogramming your ego.
Write down several affirmations that go something like this:
Method: I am an [insert virtue here] because I [insert proof here].
Example: “I am an honest man because I do not lie to my wife, my children, my friends or the public and I refuse to go along with the lies of others even when I have to face ridicule and hate for stating the truth.”
Repeat your affirmations 100x a day for a month to make the initial programing.
This process works best when done right after waking up.
Read all your virtue affirmations each day.
Maintain your programming by reading your affirmations 10x a day for a year.
Additionally you can write affirmations to remind yourself to stop allowing others to control your ego. The exercises above are useful, but simplified and incomplete. Complete training in how to understand your current programing, reprogram yourself, take control over your life and build your Agency can be found here.
Step 5: Examining your renewed ego
Now that you have begun the process of mindfully building your ego, you should regularly examine how you feel about yourself. Ask yourself these questions in a daily or weekly review:
Did I demonstrate virtue today? (Which ones?)
Did I do something I'm ashamed of today? (How will I avoid in the future?)
How do I perceive myself?
How do I feel about myself?
Living a powerful life
Having nothing to be ashamed of, being cognizant of your virtue, and holding yourself to a high standard gives you tremendous power. You can face any storm, any loss and any embarrassment if you have an ego built on a solid foundation.