Don't. Be. Boring. [Video] [Activities]
You can choose to be almost anything you want, as long as it's not boring. Of all the advice that can be given about raising your sexual market value this is the most true and universal. It applies to everyone.
Boring people are boring. No one wants to be around boring, lifeless, dull, 2 dimensional people. No one wants to be friends with people like that and certainly no one wants to date them or even worse, spend the rest of their life with someone who is completely uninteresting and flat.
If being boring is such a turn off then how can we avoid it? To be boring is to be missing the characteristics that make a person interesting or exciting.
What makes a person interesting to others really depends on whether the observer is r or K selected. What makes a person interesting to an r-selected audience will often repulse a K selected person. For the purposes of this discussion we are only going to focus on how to become more interesting to K-selected people.
Imagine you are going to host your perfect dinner party. You can only have 5 guests. Who would you invite? No doubt it would be people that you find interesting. But why do you find them interesting? Lets dig deeper into this.
Self knowledge building activity: Write down names of your 5 dream guests and the reasons why you would invite each one. What do your reasons say about your preferences?
It's true that interesting people do interesting things. They do things that really matter, that are important. They build things, they meet and cooperate with other interesting people, they discover things, they grow and change. They face dangers, chaos, the unknown, discomfort and pain. They bring life into the world, they promote great ideas, they change society, hopefully for the better.
Self knowledge building activity: Write down the most interesting thing that you have done in the last month, how about the last year. Would you enjoy hearing someone describe a similar activity during 5 minutes?
The big picture (the principle of being interesting)
To be more interesting to other people, you need to do more interesting things and do them more often. But not just any random thing. You need to do things that are important. Things that burn away old, obsolete, flawed habits and personality traits while fostering the development of a new, healthy and less flawed personality.
Become a Phoenix. Become the man or woman that is constantly burning away your “dead wood” so to speak so that you can be born again a new, superior man.
Simply doing more interesting things will make you more interesting, but it's a rather shallow and ineffective method of becoming a deeply interesting, multi faceted person. Without something more you will not be able to motivate yourself to stick with even very interesting activities.
Truly interesting people are compelled to do interesting things because they have a deep seated, consciously chosen purpose in life. They don't do interesting things to impress other people. They do them because it's a part of their mission in life.
Therefore, boring people are boring precisely because they lack a clearly defined higher purpose in life that drives them to constantly do interesting things causing them to grow into a better person.
If you want to have an interesting life, to attract interesting friends and to unite with an interesting spouse you will need to figure out your purpose in life. Oh, yes this heavy stuff. Improving your SMV is not an easy 3 step process that you can get done by the end of the week.
Additionally. The person that is constantly growing and improving never becomes dull or boring to live with. Your marriage will always be interesting and novel if you both keep renewing yourselves.
Men and women have very different interests
Let's talk more about specifics. What does each sex find interesting?
Men are not going to be attracted to masculine characteristics in a woman. Women are likewise not going to be attracted to feminine characteristics in a man. That's just not how healthy sexual attraction works. So then, what does work?
We already know that women want to be near an interesting man. They want to share his life and count themselves lucky to be a part of it. Interesting men have much less trouble attracting women or getting dates. What woman wouldn't want to go to an interesting place to do an interesting thing with an interesting man?
What women find interesting about men is precisely what they themselves lack. Therefore, if you seek a feminine woman, focus on the development of classical masculine traits and suppress any feminine characteristics, especially while seeking a mate.
What virtues make a man very interesting to a K selected woman? It's not your abs. It's not even your job, your wealth or the car you drive. These things might be quite attractive, but they are of lesser importance. Women are looking for a man that they can trust fully, a man they can submit to. What makes a man worthy of such trust? There are many things we could mention, but let's just cover three big ones for now:
Passion. A man that is deeply emotionally and intellectually committed to a noble and virtuous cause is fascinating because such a man demonstrates that he can become a fully committed romantic partner. The virtuousness of what a man is committed to also demonstrates his moral and ethical discernment.
Self discipline (or self control). A man who is in control of himself is a man that can be in control of his world. Such a man can provide comfort and security to his woman. Such a man can be relied on to keep his word and be loyal despite temptation.
Leadership. A man that demonstrates leadership ability within his social or economic circles is a man of higher social status. This is a man that makes of the world what he wants it to be. Hes is a leader because he does what needs to be done to accomplish the mission when other men can't or wont. Such a man is a joy to follow.
Men are deeply attracted to women they find interesting. Studies show that a womans education or career are of no interest to most men. This is especially true of K-selected men. Being deeply involved in some political struggle is also generally a turn off.
What men find interesting about women is precisely what they themselves lack. To attract a high quality, masculine man you must emphasise your feminine traits and suppress any inclination towards masculine pursuits or thinking.
Since men are much more visual than women the first thing they notice is appearance. The way a woman signals her health, mental, emotional and physical is with her looks. Unless she is reasonably fit, attractive and well dressed she will not catch a high SMV man's attention so that she can develop a relationship further.
In an age where most women either dress like sluts or monsters a woman who dresses and acts in a feminine, modest and elegant way stands out. Is not very important how much so spend on your cloths, makeup and hair. The key is to exude health and vitality, in short fertility.
A well cared for appearance is vital, but it's not enough. Interesting men need to know that a woman they are considering for a long term relationship will be a willing and cooperative partner in helping them to follow their passions. They need to know she will be a good wife and mother.
A man should ask himself three big questions about a woman he finds interesting:
Is she capable of trusting my leadership in the family?
Does she have an interest in having children in the near future?
Does she have the empathy, patience and gentleness to care for an infant?
Good men will prize a woman that views her great quest in life to be the raising of several wonderful children. This is because a woman who will be a good mother will also be a great wife. A woman who can cook, clean, grow a garden, sew a button on a shirt, care for an ill child, change a diaper, read a story, sing a song, decorate a room, make a quilt, can some peaches, skin a rabbit, etc. is far more attractive to a man who wants a traditional family life than a woman who recites Ayn Rand and can identify logical fallacies.
If you want a great, K-selected relationship, marriage and children. Don't. Be. Boring.
Become engaged deeply interesting pursuits. Do so in a way that is gender appropriate and fits your personal needs.
Become the best, most interesting version of yourself. Seek to make constant, small, improvements to your personality and skill sets. Grow as a human, because that is the true measure of your interest.
Self knowledge building activity: Write down what about you the opposite sex might find interesting and think about why you have those characteristics. How have you grown as a more interesting person in the last year?