Raise your SMV by Managing Your Reputation
How does your reputation affect your Sexual Market Value and your ability to attract a high quality mate?
One of the worst pieces of advice to come out of the cultural marxist corruption of western culture is the encouragement to not care about what other people think about us. That can summed up in saying such as:
“Just be yourself.”
“You're awesome just the way you are.”
“Who cares what other people think about you?”
“You don't have to change for anybody.”
“No one can judge you (or me).”
This type of false wisdom has contributed to our overly atomized, honourless society. It weakens us, keeps us lonely, prevents us from forming and connecting with our in-group. Its toxic.
Humans are pack animals. We live and work best when we do so in groups. To be a part of a group we need to consider what the groups thinks about us, our reputation. We need to practice our social graces and shared rituals. We need to learn how to fit into social hierarchies. We need to care about something bigger than ourselves.
A society that doesn't value honor and reputation is a society without trust. Every interaction is fraught with immense risk. Rewards for good behaviour are limited and punishment is given out capriciously. Low trust societies are low productivity societies due to this risk.
Navigating the Sexual Market without understanding reputation is dangerous.
Healthy, high functioning markets give great value to reputation. Who today buys from Amazon without first checking the ratings and reviews? Entire businesses are based on providing professional reviews to people interested in buying a car or any other major item. Employers check recommendations and word of mouth is still the best system of marketing.
We can easily recognize the value of reputation when we are laying out money for a product or service. Should it really be any different when we are considering reputation in the Sexual Market? Our choice of marriage mate and parent for our future children is a far bigger decision, with a much more lasting impact on our lives and happiness than which car to buy.
What about our reputation? Do we truly know how deeply it affects our options for potential mates? Do we understand how to build and maintain a stellar, 5 star reputation?
To be clear, our primary objective is to create a reputation that will facilitate our finding a mate that meets our ideals as closely as possible. This is to say, boosting our perceived SMV.
Understanding Some of the Complexities of Reputation
Reputations are usually gross over simplifications of our personality, almost charatatures.
Reputation has facets and visibility.
Reputation is a judgement of you by other people. Not everyone's judgement is valid, valuable, or worth paying attention to.
How a reputation is perceived (valued) will vary depending on the personal values and ethics of the individual that is asked to evaluate a reputation.
We have multiple overlapping reputations, as many as we have social circles.
Simplification: The purpose of reputation is to aid in making decisions about people, therefore they must be kept relatively simple and easy to process. Generally we can only be known for a few things, maybe three. As we develop a deeper relationship with someone the number of facets that we judge them on increases.
Test it out, try asking someone “what do you think about” an acquaintance of theirs. Generally they will only tell you tow or three things about them. Then ask about someone who is closer to them. Usually they will spend more time describing the close friend than the associate.
Exaggeration: Due to their simplicity quite often reputations get exaggerated. The stories about a person get embellished. The views of fans get fetishized and the opinions of detractors get demonized. The closer the relationship the more likely that opinions expressed will be based on reality.
Visibility: These are various aspects to our reputation that reflect our unique personality traits and skills. For example, we might have the reputation of always being on time, or of being a great cook, or of being empathetic. We might have hidden skills, but that's not going to help us with developing our reputation.
Intensity: We may have a valued skill or trait, but if few people know about it then our reputation in that area isn't going to be very intense. Generally we can only be known for a few things, maybe three.
Being know for negative traits is the worst situation, but you can fix it with time, especially if you are young and demonstrate changes.
Being unknown (having no reputation because no one knows you are alive) is not a good thing however at least it's a clean slate. Unfortunately this also means you probably have no friends.
Being known by a few people for positive things is great, now all you have to do is amplify your reach.
Reputation is judgement: Reputation is how you are judged by other people. Its other people's view of you. Get used to being comfortable being judged by other people, especially people you care about. That brings up so many questions that they will be addressed in the next section.
Honoured, Feared and Respected, by Who?
“You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all the people all of the time” - John Lydgate
We can not lead a life that will please everybody. We must be consciously and carefully selective about whose opinions we value. Not everyone's opinion is valid or worthy of consideration. Probably, only a few people we know are worth trying to please.
Stop looking for love in all the wrong places!
Trying to please the wrong people, or too many people, will certainly attract attention from those that we would prefer to not have social contact with. It's just as important to know who not to please as it it to know who to please.
When it comes to Sexual Market Value we should seek the following:
To be Honoured for our good behaviour by the mature and influential members of our ingroup (our chosen social circles).
To be respected by mature members of similar outgroups (people with compatible values who we don't socialize with but are somehow joined with in a common purpose, our associates).
To be Feared by the outgroup. (For example: A K-selected woman would want to cultivate a reputation that causes r-selected men to avoid her for fear of certain rejection.)
In modern time we tend to have multiple, often overlapping social circles. We may very honestly be perceived slightly differently in each one, especially the less overlapping circles. At work we might have the reputation of a tough, hard nosed negotiator who isn't fooled by anyone. At home our family may see us as a soft and gentle brother and son. Both are honest versions of us, viewed through different lenses.
In addition different people will value different facets of our reputation differently. Just like any market there is individual demand and supply (and aggregate demand/supply). For example one man might value a mate with beauty and youth above all else and another may prefer a woman who has certain housekeeping skills.
Personal beliefs (ethics, values, etc.) color people's perception of reputation. Most women value a masculine, dominant man who has the skills to provide and protect them. Other women call that type of masculinity toxic. How people perceive reputations can tell you a lot about their true belief systems.
Creating Your Reputation
Our actions as viewed through the eyes of others creates our reputation. We can't form a reputation in a vacuum, we will need to interact with people. We can't control how people react to us. We can choose how to behave and who to interact with.
Assess your current state > Decide who to impress > Impress them.
Figure out where you are: It's not easy to get an impartial view of ourselves however it is very valuable if we want to have control over our reputation. Measuring our own reputation is complex and requires input from others. One solution is to have an impartial observer ask our closest 3 or 5 friends/associates about us. The very first things they say about is are the most important.
Decide who you are interested in pleasing: Define your ingroup(s). If you don't know enough people to create an ingroup then figure out what you need to do to meet more people. Create your ideal ingroup persona and start taking actions to develop friendships with people who match your ideal as closely as possible.
Make sure to include groups where you can find a high quality spouse.
Set your goals: Decide what characteristics you want to be known for, put them in order of importance. For now limit your efforts to the top 2 or 3. Start doing actions that you will perform in a social setting that will build up your reputation. Many of these actions require preparation. For example, if you want to be known as reliable and punctual you will need to prepare for action long before you actually show up as agreed.
Now take action: Then take more action. Keep it up until you have achieved or changed your goal. Reputations are built by repeated actions over time. You can shape your reputation and use it to find your ideal partner, love and romance.
Please ask in the private group about actions that you can take to improve your SMV.