Raise Your SMV by Building a Better Reputation
Last weeks post was about the value of a good reputation and its effect on our sexual market value. This week we discuss some specific steps to building a better reputation.
We are not all equal. Some people are simply better than others. This is reflected in our different outcomes and reputations. A person with a great reputation will have a much easier time in life compared to the alternatives. It's time to stop the navel-gazing, put down the self help books and take actions.
“Man, know thyself” - Ancient proverb.
If we don't know ourselves how can we know anyone or anything?
Thinking about our reputation can be a daunting task. If you want to achieve mastery over yourself you must first know yourself deeply. This requires dailly self examination, dailly structured meditation. Rather than trying to “clear your mind of thought” as purveyors of spiritual junk food advise, you need to focus your thoughts on the productive examination of your life course.
“The unexamined life is not worth living.” Socrates
You need to ask yourself the right questions. You need to master a balance between self critique and having reasonable expectations. Remember, the goal is not perfection but rather progress. Dispassionately assess where you were, where you are and where you want to be in the near future. Orientate yourself towards your goal. Then, focus not on your present condition but on how to make progress towards the ideal.
Of course our reputation is not what we think of ourselves, but what other people think of us. Since we can't please everyone, we must be very selective about whose opinion we trust and value. Have honest, open conversations with the people we love and trust. Ask for their help to understand ourselves and our reputation.
Actions make the man: Your reputation is based on your actions (or rather how people interpret your actions). To build your reputation you will have to DO SOMETHING. Slay dragons, save civilization, keep chaste, build up your ingroup. Do something interesting that people will take notice of.
Be deliberate: Plan out your future self. Take control of your reputation. Don't leave it to chance, use a system. Every system has flaws, but some systematic improvement is better than random mutations. Choose how you want others to view you and then act in accordance with that choice. Take daily actions to shape yourself and the perceptions of others. Get help when needed.
Be specific: Who do you want to be? What do you want to be known for? Who are you trying to impress? What steps will you commit to? Be specific, write it all down. (see: Reputation Management Worksheet)
Be consistent: Reputations are built up of small actions implemented regularly over long periods of time. Pick goals that you can be consistent with. It's far better to lead a simple, consistent life
Start small: Small changes lead to bigger changes. Small things like setting a schedule for sleep and wake times will help you to develop a reputation for being on time and reliable. Controlling your appearance will have a major impact on people's perceptions of you and your reputation. Stand up straight, look people in the eye.
Avoid damaging our reputation: Good reputations are built up over time and wrecked all at once. It doesn't take much to damage our reputation so avoid losing control of our actions. If you do damage your reputation, work hard to repair the breach. Apologise if needed, learn from your mistakes. Understand your weaknesses and learn how to compensate for them.
Avoid toxic people: Avoid people who gossip, slander and destroy the reputations of others. Such toxic people live to ruin. They just want to see the world burn. There is no way that being around such people is going to turn out well for you. It's far easier to avoid them than to try and undo the damage they can do to your reputation.
Disassociate from toxic groups: The only thing worse than toxic people is toxic people in groups. Get away from groups (including social media groups) with negative reputations.
Learn from others: Learn for people who you admire. How did they build and maintain their reputation? Talk to them if possible. Ask them questions and be upfront about why you are interested in them.
Create systems of external accountability: You can't rely only on yourself and internal mental discipline. Humans are social, pack animals. We need to have the approval of the group to maximize our happiness and health. Create social situations that will give us instant feedback when we are not living up to our potential. Care enough about that feed back to let it discipline us.
Help others: In general a truly helpful person will be valued by their ingroup. Do little things, be a listening ear, be a friend. Be humble enough to occasionally work in the interests of others. Sometimes you will receive nothing in return, other times you will create a lifelong ally.
You can control your reputation, if you want to. It's not easy, it's a lot of work. It's going to take time and effort. It's also going to take a plan. This post includes some worksheets for SMV4K.com members. Use the worksheets to make a plan to improve your reputation starting today!