Be a Hero, Raise Your SMV - Your Hero's Journey: Act 2 [Hero's journey]
(Tests, Allies, Enemies, Approach, Ordeal, Death and Rebirth.)
Western culture is largely based on the Hero mythos. The individual who overcomes chaos, tames nature and brings order to his or her universe. Western hero stories are often focused on personal honour gained by taking the right path.
The Hero's Journey is never easy. Its is not about comfort, relaxation or maximizing our pleasure. Rather, it's about sacrifice, stoically and voluntarily suffering discomfort and bravely facing the unknown (chaos).
Though the individual Hero is the main focus of western mythos, he always lives within a societal framework that influences his thoughts and actions. The Hero is both a responsible member of his society and a rule breaker when necessary. He is both a man and a beast.
Tests, Allies, Enemies
Now that our hero has crossed the first threshold, he has fully entered the other world. He must quickly learn the new rules by which that world operates, make allies and identify his enemies. The Hero will often gain the necessary knowledge and friendship by undergoing trials (suffering and discomfort).
Tests: Procrastination, fear, social anxiety and temptation will test our resolve. Every time we cold approach a someone for friendship or romance, reply to a message, or turn down that attractive by obviously r-selected invitation we are facing tests. Will we put off joining a Wolf Pack until next week? Will be get up and go to the gym despite being tired? Are we going to eat healthy or give in and eat that whole buffet of tasty food? Will we give in to despair and give up on our quest because we have been rejected? Will we let setbacks derail us?
Exercise: Write down some of the tests that you have already faced or fear facing in the future. Strategize ways to overcome these trials and tests. Pick a challenge that you are having difficulty with and go face it ASAP. Keep facing it until you overcome it. Take notes along the way and improve incrementally until you master the challenge. Get your allies (your Wolf Pack) to help you.
In addition by regularly and voluntarily facing discomfort and tests you will build your strength to win at all sorts of tests.
Allies: People are social animals and belonging to groups is one of our basest needs. Historically, courtship and marriage were viewed as sacred rites that were the bedrock of societies. Thus, our ancestors would have received enormous social support and encouragement to marry and have children.
During the hero’s trials, he may find help in the form of allies. It can be one of the hero’s tests to find out who can be trusted in this new world of dating. Often allies are people whom we have helped. Later they may repay our kindness.
Exercise: Read the Wolf Pack posts. Join or form a Wolf Pack and have your first meeting ASAP. Make this your number one life goal for the next month. Ask in the SMV4K.com Facebook forums for help in this matter.
Enemies: These may be actual people in our lives who are tearing us down. They might be rivals who are competing for the same persons attention. They could be an amorphous “them”. Those promoting the spirit of nihilism, r-selected values and hedonistic distractions.
Often we are our own worst enemy. Make sure our self talk is not negative or abusive. Excessive amounts of time spent alone will make us weird and obsessive. We all need to regularly spend time with good people to keep ourselves centered and functional.
Actions that you can take: Practice regular positive self talk. Critically evaluate our relationships and cut out any that are toxic or preventing us from reaching our deeply desired goals. Avoid the negative aspects of popular culture. Remember to get help from our allies to defeat our enemies.
Our hero has crossed over into the special world and faced tests, made new allies and enemies. Through the various facets of the previous stage, he has grown and developed. The central goal of his quest must now be approached. He will need to cross the second major threshold, into the darkest and most dangerous realm.
You have built up your SMV, found your allies and defeated your lesser enemies. Now it's time to get down to the main portion of your quest finding a spouse. You need a plan. It's like a roadmap that takes you to the final boss that's guarding the hidden treasure.
Exercise: Read the post “Build Your Dating Pipeline” and fill out your Spouse Persona worksheet.This is the basis of your “map”. From this information create a plan and execute it. Keep what works, replace what doesn't. Keep experimenting until you are ready for commitment.
Ordeal, Death and Rebirth
The ordeal is about change. When this is over, our hero will never be the same. Often, the ordeal results in a symbolic death for our hero who is then reborn. Once the rebirth has occurred, he will begin the long journey home.
Is he the one? Will he propose? Is she going to be the mother of my children? Will she accept my proposal? The dating journey has been all about facing the unknown.
Engagement, planning a wedding and joining your lives together can be your greatest romantic challenge yet. Face it with the same strength, empathy, flexibility and allies that helped you thus far on your journey.
Entering into a committed, life long relationship means that you will be forever changed. The old, single you is now dead. You are reborn, better and more complete. Literally a new man (or woman). Part of a complete family unit.
Steps to consider: When you are to this point in your romantic journey, take stock of your progress. Celebrate your strength and draw your allies closer. Make peace with the symbolic death of the single you. Celebrate your new married life.
By now your journey is nearing its completion. Next week we will discuss the third and final act.
Next week: Your Hero's Journey: Act 3 (Reward, The road back, Resurrection, Return with the treasure)